Many things run through a woman’s mind when you meet. Here’s how to go from “hello” to “oh my”
BY DENNY WATKINS, NOVEMBER 09, 2006
Her brain quickly vets your height and facial symmetry the moment you meet. Now convince her of your character. Approach confidently; don’t pretend to bump into her. “Men tend to talk to each other at angles to avoid confrontation,” says Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love. “But women face each other head-on and maintain eye contact.” (For more ways to ensure your approach leads to amazing sex, pick up a copy of
pick up a copy of the Men’s Health Guide to the Best Sex in the World.)
A good handshake isn’t a shortcut to her bed, but a bad one can doom you. Hands are loaded with tactile nerves, and people with weak, clammy handshakes were perceived as shy and neurotic in a recent University of Alabama study. So hold your drink in your left hand and give her a firm but not bone-crushing grasp. Pay attention to her grip as well: The same study showed that women who give firmer handshakes tend to be more adventurous.
The most attractive women prefer deep-voiced men, according to a recent study by Scottish researchers. It suggests high testosterone levels, a sign of strength and reproductive prowess. Push out air with your diaphragm, not your throat. This lengthens the column of air moving past your vocal cords. “It’s like a built-in subwoofer,” says voice coach Joanne Joella.
Say something that will draw out details about her. “Your friends seem nice–how did you get to know them?” is a compliment and a window into her past. Forming a bond will release dopamine, a mood booster in her brain. Show off your interest with verbal nods of agreement (“uh-huh,” “go on”), adds Alex Pentland, Ph.D., an MIT professor who designed software that assesses whether speed daters are feeling sparks.
We all know to ask lots of questions and to avoid flat-out boasting. But don’t sell yourself short. “Women listen very carefully for signs of status and wealth,” says Fisher. Keep any references to financial or personal success oblique, though–let her curiosity draw out the details. Another crucial conversation tip: Talk at the same pace she does and she’ll consider you intelligent, kind, con-fident, and ambitious, according to a University of Maryland study.
Your Body Language
Attraction causes couples to mirror each other’s body language. ±But don’t be overeager to connect. Stay relaxed and let her set the tone, says Lisa Clampett, founder of the Matchmaking Institute. Fidgeting conveys nervousness and triggers the empathetic release of stress chemicals in her brain. “Once she brushes your shoulder or thigh, reciprocate within a minute or two,” Fisher says. Or touch her inner forearm, a nerve-rich zone that will create sparks.
Your Deal Closer
If you’ve made the right sort of first impression, she might be wondering how you are in bed. “Consciously or not,” says Fisher, “she’s looking for signs that you’re patient and sensitive to the ways her body finds pleasure.” So talk her through the jukebox options. Handle the darts delicately. Call out the scent notes of a bottle of wine. Show refined tastes in these areas and she’ll suspect you have others worth exploring–back at her place.