We have another awesome speaker from the 2015 Matchmakers and Date Coaches conference<\/a> contributing with a guest post. Julie Ferman<\/strong> is truly a professional matchmaker, connector, dating coach and advocate for the matchmaking industry. In this guest post, she talks about the importance of date coaching:<\/em><\/p>\n

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Matchmaking clients come to us seeking one thing \u2013 the ideal partner, served up on a silver platter, and\u2026 as quickly as possible. As if matchmaking was that easy. Today\u2019s best matchmakers spend as much time coaching their clients as matching their clients, and here\u2019s why. <\/p>\n

A 47 year old woman calls me this week, seeking marriage and kids with a highly successful, tall, attractive mid-thirties man. Huh?<\/p>\n

A not-hot, unemployed 63 year old man, 5\u20197\u201d, is seeking a tall, gorgeous woman in her 30\u2019s. Really? <\/p>\n

The nature of blind spots is that we can\u2019t see our own. We know this intellectually, and yet as matchmakers we are constantly befuddled when we see the wish lists and the real live situations that so many of our prospective clients bring into our offices. <\/p>\n

The mission in working with a matchmaking client is to find spot-on candidates for personal introductions, and ideally the one right person for life-long love. And sometimes it\u2019s easy \u2013 the client has sufficient appeal, such that when we provide introductions to the right types of people, what follows is second and third dates and an easy entr\u00e9e into relationship. We love it when it happens just that way.
\nEqually as common though is a curvier path through the maze that is the dating journey. The matchmaker guides and supports the client through the dating process, which is typically comprised of a series of disappointments, rejections, and hopefully AHA moments. We have to assume that the way our client is \u201cdoing dating\u201d hasn\u2019t yet provided the intended result. The introductions we do together give us a chance to shine a light on what\u2019s REALLY happening in this client\u2019s love life, as we get to hear and study impressions and post-date blow-by-blows from both sides of the table. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned the hard way that unsolicited coaching isn\u2019t usually received well, so it\u2019s a good practice for matchmakers and dating coaches to first ASK if the client wants to hear constructive feedback, impressions and feedback before dishing it out. I\u2019ll often ask twice, as in \u201cI\u2019ve got some feedback that might be helpful for you to hear, if you\u2019re interested.\u201d And then I\u2019ll ask a second time \u2013 \u201cIt may be tough to hear, are you sure you\u2019re OK with me sharing it?\u201d I always try to share anything constructive or negative in a compassionate, nurturing, loving way. I\u2019ll often use the Sandwich Approach (sharing something positive, then the constructive tough-to-hear morsel, and then something else that\u2019s positive) to soften the blow. <\/p>\n

A good dating coach never blue-skies the client (blowing smoke up the skirt or the trousers, fluffing and puffing with accolades.) Nor should the client ever feel attacked, admonished or diminished. Finding the right amount of tough love and the best way to share the coaching messages is as key an element to modern day matchmaking as the introductions we provide. <\/p>\n

The better our coaching is, the sooner we are likely to get our clients off in a happy relationship, which is the win\/win we\u2019re seeking with each of our clients. Today\u2019s modern day matchmakers are scheduling post-date feedback calls and coaching calls as key elements of our client service packages, making it clear from the start that we\u2019re here for them not only as catalysts for personal introductions but also as enablers of personal growth. <\/p>\n

You can see Julie speak in person along with the love industry’s top thought leaders at the 2015 Matchmakers and Date Coaches Conference in NYC on April 24th-25th. Visit the conference site to register now!<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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